350 of The Funniest!

Welcome to the funny pickup lines section!

Below is a list of pick ups that will make you bust out laughing at the seams. We hope that you enjoy yourself and the humor behind these lines.

Get ready to get your laugh on...

1. I think that you have a little bit of witch in you. Cause you've bewitched me.

2. I'd rather be beheaded than be denied a date with you.

3. Do you know that the Edmonton Oilers haven't won the Stanley Cup for a while now.

4. Come up to my chamber and I'll show you the largest treasure in the land.

5. Come on, you can't get pregnant again.

You better stretch your ribs, here come more funny pickup lines!

6. I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

7. My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.

8. Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

9. The drink: $6. The room: $100. The night with you?: Priceless.

10. Giant polar bear (What?) It's an icebreaker. Hi, my name is....

11. Show me a man who doesn't think you look beautiful and I'll show you a man who is legally blind.

12. I see you've got arms, I've got them too! We should hook up sometime!

13. Coffee? Tea? Me?

HAHA. Here come more funny pickup lines!

14. Q: Are you a Visa Checkcard? A: Because you're everywhere I want to be!

15. Is that an 'X' on the seat of your pants? 'Cause it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!

16. If all the stars in the sky were summed, not even words that many times stronger than "beautiful" could ever be used to describe you.

17. You know, winning the lottery doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

18. Somebody needs to write explosive on you, cuz your the bomb!

19. Pardon me, I don't mean to make a pass, but you must be leavin' the country if you're packin' that much ass.

20. If I followed you home, would you keep me?

LOL x2. Here come more funny pickup lines!

21. You must be going to hell cause it must be a sin to look that good.

22. Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.

23. You've got something on your back! (what?) Angel wings!

24. Champaign can be tickly, and so can I.

25. Dang girl..as much as i hate to see you leave..i love watchin you walk away

26. This is a test of the emergency pickup line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pickup line.

Chuckle some more with our funny pickup lines!

27. Do you like apples? [Yes/No] How about I take you home and get freaky. How do like them apples?

28. Hey, officer, give me a ticket, because I'm in your restricted area.

29. Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.

30. Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?

31. Baby your like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems.

32. I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.

33. How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.

Hear that? Yep, more funny pickup lines!

34. It must be cold in here - or are you just happy to see me?

35. Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.

36. Can I flirt with you?

37. Do you have the time..cause I’ve got the place!!

38. You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book ... So

39. All those curves! And me with no brakes!

40. There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!

41. Hi, can you let me concentrate on something else for a change?

Funny pickup lines making your sides hurt yet?

42. Were you in Girl/Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.

43. Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!

44. Can I even get a fake number?

45. I heard that you have a good dentist. Mind if I try out his work?

46. You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

47. I have a cat. She would really like to meet you.

48. When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

49. Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.

For the 50th of funny pickup lines...

50. What's the name of your perfume? "Catch of the Day?"

51. I've been noticing you not noticing me.

52. Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

53. Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.

54. I hope there's a fireman around, cause you're smokin'!

55. I know today isn't Christmas because when I woke up, you weren't under my tree.

56. Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?

57. What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

58. If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery...I would chose winning the lottery...but it would be close...real close...

59. Yesterday, I tried to paint you, but I couldn't... the colors weren't beautiful enough.

HAHA. Here come more funny pickup lines!

60. I think that your attractive and simply amazing from what I've seen so far. Can I get your number and meet your personality.

61. Scientists call me a medical miracle.

62. You are the hottest thing since sunburn.

63. HI! Can I buy you a car?

64. Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?

65. Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)

66. If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.

67. Oh look, I just met the girl of my dreams.

Funny pickup lines or dirty?

68. Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.

69. Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?

70. What is your favorite color? (Answer) Mine too!

71. Are we in Lord of The Rings? cause I swear your my precious...

72. Who's your daddy?

73. Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?

74. Hey baby. You got a jersey? (A jersey?...What for?) Because I need your name and number

Here is the 75th of funny pickup lines...

75. Your so hot when i look at you I get a tan

76. Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick 'Do you come here often?', 'What's your sign?', or 'Hello,

77. Yes, I am indeed a wizard. Watch me make your clothes disappear!

78. Hey baby... you got any diseases? Want some?

79. She- Thanks, my boyfriend thinks so too!

80. Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

81. Let's make out so I can see if you taste as good as you look.

HAHA. Here come more funny pickup lines!

82. Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?

83. Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!

84. Were you staring at my crotch?

85. You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.

86. Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.

87. You must be in a wrong place - the Miss Universe contest is over there.

88. You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth.

Snap, Crackle, and Pop with these funny pickup lines!

89. It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.

90. If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.

91. You, Before I Wake Up From this Dream.

92. You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

93. I noticed you noticing me and i thought i would notify you that i noticed you too.

HAHA. Here come more funny pickup lines!

94. Do you wanna see why my nickname is 'tri-pod'?

95. I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.

96. If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?

97. Hey, I lost my phone number ... Can I have yours?

98. Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?

99 funny pickup lines!

99. Excuse me, are you well protected?

Our 100th of funny pickup lines...

100. If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.

101. What is the cross between the moon and the stars? You

102. Somebody better call God, cuz heaven's missing an angel!

103. Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?

104. Excuse me, my mouth hurts will you kiss it?

105. The book says know myself, how about I get to know you?

106. Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

107. f*** me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?

108. Hey baby how about we go play Marco Polo; In the shower?

109. I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

Craving more funny pickup lines? Here...

110. Hey baby, you've got something on your butt: my eyes.

111. Ask a woman for the time. "10:30? So today is January 10, 2008, at 10:30 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you."

112. Do you have room in your life for another friend?

113. Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

114. If your looking fo the right person in your life...here I am!

115. I would give up eterinity to be with you.

116. Have you ever been to Hawaii? (No why?) Well it was the most beautiful thing before I saw you.

117. My d*ck just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

118. Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

119. Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?

Cheers to more funny pickup lines!

120. Is that pretty on your face? Hey, it's not coming off!

121. I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

122. Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?

123. Hey baby, I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves!

124. I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn".

125. If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants.

126. [Pretend to read your hand, do so quite poorly] What is a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?

127. if i had a dollar for every time i thought of you today, i would have a million dollars, but the money wouldnt matter because i'd have you

128. Them: What's that? You: Your address. It needs to be the same as mine.

Craving more funny pickup lines? Here...

129. Know what I like best about you baby? You haven't maced me yet.

130. Are your pants made of mirrors? Because I can see myself in them.

131. If you were bubblegum you'd be babe-a-licious!

132. Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled...

133. Baby, you are everything I never knew I always wanted

134. If you were words on a page, you would be fine print.

Want more funny pickup lines? Here...

135. Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

136. They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?

137. Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.

138. The average person falls in love 7 times before marriage. Baby, you're my lucky seven.

139. I got a queen size bed and Im tired of sleeping alone...

140. Oak tree leaves are green in the fall and your pants are red in the hall.

141. Hi, I'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life. Can I interview you?

142. I treat a bitch like seven up, I never have, I never will.

Have some more funny pickup lines!

143. You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."

144. Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Girl: Why? Guy: I looked at you and dropped mine.

145. I need a place to stay...cause you're so hot you burnt my house down.

146. Do you have the time? (she gives you the time) No, the time to write my number down .

147. these horny people around. Don't worry, I'll protect you.

148. You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you!

149. Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

#150 of our funny pickup lines...

150. There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.

151. You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.

152. I need to pour milk on you so you'll be part of my complete breakfast.

153. I'm easy. Are you?

154. What a fine gown you're wearing, my lady. Perchance may I talk you out of it?

155. I don't know if you're beautiful or not, I haven't gotten past your eyes yet.

156. Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.

157. You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!

158. Pick up a pack of sugar that actually says, "sugar" on it and say, "You dropped your nametag!".

159. Make out with me because I'm the finest thing you have seen all night.

Funny pickup lines can take some thinking...

160. Hey, you've got a lawyer's ass. Yip, it's firm.

161. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

162. If you were a pill I'd overdose.

163. F*** me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

164. I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.

165. Hey, haven't I seen you before? I remember, it was in my dreams!

166. Want to play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell out of me!

167. Yo, ho ho! How 'bouts a bottle of rum?

168. Ever seen the movie "Fear"?

169. Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Wha Wha, more funny pickup lines...

170. Is that a mirror in your pocket 'cause I can see myself in your pants.

171. Baby, Your the honey on my bunches of oats!

172. You're so hot, I'd better smother you with my body before you burst into flame!

173. You know your good enough to give my last name to.

174. Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.

175. Why didn't God keep you when he had the chance?

176. It's not the size of the staff that matters, but the magic within.

177. lookin' mmm... mmm... good!

178. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

179. He: Is that shirt felt?

180. Can I be your butter on your bread?

181. Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?

182. Walk up and say, "Yes?" "What?" "Oh, my friend told me that you wanted to make out with me because I'm the finest thing you have seen all night."

183. It hurts! (what hurts) When you tore out my heart and threw it across the room!

Almost done with funny pickup lines? Nope...

184. Tonight, I'll start by giving you a nice kiss on the lips,......and then move up to your belly button.

185. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be at this same place next year..together..and laughing?

186. You look so hot that I could cook rice on you!

187. A song from your lips is an aria from heaven.

188. What the hell are you looking at?

189. Your choice this time, I'm buying.

190. Excuse me, do you have change for a $100 bill?

191. You remind me of my Visa card because you are everywhere I want to be.

192. Ask: Do you believe in hereafter? If they say yes then you say: Then you must know what im here after.

193. I bet you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

194. I didn't know that Miss America lived here!

195. Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!

196. Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?

197. When I saw your face I thought I died and went to heaven.

198. What's your sign?

199. You can call me Mr. ski lift cause I'll sweep you off your feet.

The big 200 of our funny pickup lines...

200. Picker upper: If I were a cop, I'd arrest you.

201. Hi. I would like to award you the {Whatever beer we were drinking} award for looking so good.

202. Are you an oscillating fan? 'Cause your phone is ringing.

203. Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.

204. Hey baby you plus me equals we.

205. You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I just can't stop ya.

206. If you were a library book, I would check you out.

207. You look lovely, I would be honored if you will accompany me to a modestly priced meal at Red Lobster and then a night of romantic movies and board games.

208. I'm an iceberg on a summer's day in South Carolina.

209. Santa must've come early this year, cuz you were first on my christmas-list.

210. I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc.] on the floor at the club last night, is it yours? Well, if it's not, I'd like to give it to you anyway.

211. If you were yogurt, would you be fruit at the bottom or stirred?

212. Some say there are 7 wonders in the world.

213. Im like chocolate pudding, I look like crap but im as sweet as can be.

214. Walk up to a guy/girl hold up a $20 (or more if you're desperate) dollar bill

215. I love you like pigs love mud.

216. Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!

217. When i look into your eyes i see an ocean

218. He- I think you are the sexiest girl in the world!

219. You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.

The last of the funny pickup lines... is not #220.

220. Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?

221. So, do you like turtles?

222. Don't walk into that building -- the sprinklers might go off!

223. Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?(if yes: Want another one?)

224. I most certainly am King in bed! Shall I prove it to you?

225. If you could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth more than Fort Knox.

226. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

227. Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.

228. Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

229. If being fine was a crime then you will just have to pay the time.

230. The word of the day is "legs." Let's say we head back to your place and spread the word.

Funny, funny pickup lines...

231. What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name.

232. Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I'll throw you my meat.

233. That's a nice dress. It'd look great on the floor next to my bed.

234. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

235. Woman, I hate to see you go, but I LOVE watching you leave....

236. Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!

Chew on this funny pickup line!

237. Who took the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes?

238. That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh.

239. You must work at Subway 'cause you're giving me footlongs!

240. I am not a queen but I'll give you something royal.

241. Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.

242. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.

243. (Bump into someone) If I knew how hot you were I would have grabbed your ass instead of bumping into you.

244. I may not be a priest, but I can take you to the heavens, princess.

245. When im eighty, I'll look back on three big things in my lifes: getting married, having kids and the first time i layed eyes on you.

246. Do you like ice cream? Good because you look like my favorite topping!

247. I am beset by this dragon in my loins, and only you can quench its fire!

248. My names mickey are you my minnie?

Here come more funny pickup lines!

249. Bond. James Bond.

250. You better change the lock 'cause I'm the key to your heart.

251. You are not a woman, you are an essence

252. If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.

253. What sort of person are you looking? Wait- don't tell me: medium height,

254. Life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless.

255. Are you a zoo, because you bring the animal out in me.

256. My lips are registered weapons. Can I invade your personal space?

257. Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?

258. Hey, don't frown - you'll never know who might be falling in love with your smile.

259. Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!

You better stretch your ribs, here come a couple more funny pickup lines!

260. I want you more then a Popsicle on a hot summer day

261. There are only two beautiful girls in the world, and you are both of them.

262. If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.

263. You must be good at the flute cause you sure charm my snake.

264. My love for you is like the universe...neverending!!

265. You have the ass of a great artist.

266. Oooh, you're lookin' fine. Not in the good way, in the "you'll do" way.

Keep on laughing in the free world with funny pickup lines!

267. If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.

268. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

269. He: This must be the end of a rainbow because I just found the gold.

270. Most people would agree that society these days has lost a bit of it's civility. It's a shame. You have excellent posture.

Hey, hey... funny pickup lines!

271. Hey, my name's Romeo. Wanna be my Juliet?

272. I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.

273. Nice shoes. Wanna f***?

274. Let's stop delaying the inevitable. You're hot, I'm hot. Let's just f*** now.

275. Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.

276. Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

277. Excuse me, but weren't we blissfully married in a past life?

278. Like Motel 6, I'll leave the light on for you.

279. I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.

You better stretch your ribs, here come more funny pickup lines!

280. I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.

281. This time next year let’s be laughing together.

282. Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!

283. You've been a bad girl/boy. Go to my room.

284. Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.

285. Of course there's lots of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd love to catch and mount back at my place.

286. Will you be my derivative? I'll be the area under your curves.

Funny pickup lines can be a medical hazard!

287. Damn, Sugar, settle down. I'm diabetic.

288. I have big feet.

289. You're hotter than a Bunsen burner set to full power!

290. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

291. Don't believe the rumours you've heard... the Bubonic plague didn't affect my important organs.

292. Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.

293. Pardon me, can I borrow your spatula?

294. Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!

295. Hi. Are you cute?

296. See these keys? I wish I had the one to your heart.

297. Excuse me; I think you owe me a drink.”[She says, "Why?"] “Because when I saw you from across the room I dropped mine.

298. I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?(Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?

299. Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.

Funny pickup lines? Cliche who...

300. Do you come here often?

301. Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.

302. Q: "Can you hold something for me?"

303. Hey baby, my body is lonely, if ours were together they would be inseperable!

304. Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.

305. You must be from Hiroshima, cause baby you're the Bomb.

306. parents created such a beautiful creature.

307. Did it hurt? (Did what hurt?) When you fell out of heaven?

308. You know, its girls like you that make me wish I were a lesbian.

309. Well, I AM telepathic, and i can tell that you love me. Right? (NO!) Damn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.

310. Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!

311. I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true.

312. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together?

313. Is this place just steamed up or is it just you?

314. If my love was an ocean, it would take two planes to cross it.

315. If you go away for a while then go back you say: "I remember you being pretty, but not this pretty"

316. There must be a monkey here. "WHY?" because i'm going bananas over you.

317. Hey hey sexy thang, lets quit the jammin' and get to slammin'

318. Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.

319. They say a knight is always as hard as his armor.

320. Excuse me, but I think I left your sunglasses in your pocket. Mind if I check?

321. How about you be my story and I'll be your climax!

322. Drop down infront of him/her and if they ask you whats wrong say "im sorry but my heart stopped when i saw you and i just fell for you."

323. I once knew a squirrel named Marvin. God your hot. Marvin is in Africa now.

324. Are you a bad load of laundry? You make my pants feel two sizes too small.

325. Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.

326. Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print

327. If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.

328. If i had one wish i would turn u into a motorbike, why? coz i want to ride u all night

Funny pickup lines can teach you math!

329. I know calculus. It says U+Me=Us.

330. Do ya mind if the parrot watches?

331. I dropped a tear in the ocean, the day I find it is the day I'll stop loving you.

332. Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?

333. I believe that it was Socrates who opined, "Know thyself." Whelp, I already know myself, how about I get to know you?

334. I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

335. I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.

336. Am I dreaming, because this is so unreal.

337. Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

338. Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.

339. Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!

Final 10 of the funny pickup lines collection!

340. You know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.

341. That outfit is very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you I'd be cumming too.

342. what's one more??

343. You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.

344. Man: excuse me did you just feel my ass? Girl: no you: why not?

345. guy: papa bear looked ok, mama bear looked a little better, but mmmm baby bear looks just right!

346. Are you Natasha, my contact?

347. Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours.

348. Why is it that every time you are around, my pants feel tighter?

349. Excuse me, but do you have tickets? (Tickets for what?) Me.

The last of the funny pickup lines...

350. Excuse me, but why is your moose drinking my cheese?

You finished the whole funny pickup lines section! Be sure to muse through our religious pick ups sections (Christian, Jewish and Muslim) as well as our dirty pick up lines and cheesy pick up lines.
Oh yea, we have 350 MORE funny pickup lines waiting for you! ...I hope you have a backup pair of underwear ready.

With our collection of funny pickup lines, you will always be the life of the party - and the conversation! Just remember the funny pickup lines you learned from your friend, your pal, your Relationship-Buddy.

Good Luck!