How to Read It... How to Work with It...

Just as in real estate where the three important factors are location, location, location; the three factors in relationship dating should be male communication, female communication, communication.

It is all very well to say it - but it is far more complicated to achieve than it might seem.

Men and women are fundamentally different, men are usually far more reluctant to express their true feelings and the male ego tends to get in the way. On top of that, there is the stumbling block: many men are not as eloquent or as articulate as they would like to be which (coupled with the bravado and bluster of the male ego) can put men off from expressing themselves. In one of these rare occasions where a man attempts to express himself there are some things it is worth keeping in mind.

talk boxes

Most importantly: realize that the man may be shy and nervous making himself "vulnerable" and making fun of him will do nothing for his nerves and possibly put him off trying again in the future.

Drifting over to the topic of eloquence and being articulate... If a man is trying to express himself it can be constructive to focus on what he is trying to say rather than how he says it. If a man ends up tripping over his own lips and says something in a dumb way or makes a poor choice of words it is all too easy to get worked up over it and draw attention to his error and never let him forget the error. This course of action does not help anyone though as it will put the man off trying to express himself and so could lead to vital things end up being unsaid.

This may sound like a small detail to potentially bring down a relationship but when communication breaks down then the relationship will not be too far behind it. It all revolves around negative feedback - if a man expresses himself, or even just expresses an opinion or an idea but gets scorned for it he will be put off from doing it again.

On the flip side of the coin there is positive feedback. If a man expresses himself and despite the odd slip up, poorly chosen word or foolish opinion his words are well received then he will be certain to continue communicating or even to communicate more. As communication is the life blood of a relationship this can only be a positive thing. This is not by any means to say that whatever comes out of a man's mouth a woman must just accept it - but just to be aware that there are so many different ways to convey your point of view without making them regret opening their mouth in the first place.

As said in many of our articles, the male ego can be a surprisingly delicate thing and if damage to it harms the flow of information in a relationship that is beyond burning bridges.

In summary, a woman needs to both realize the value of communication and also appreciate that there are some things which can change it from being one-sided to being more effective and two-sided. Nurturing the two way flow of information is one of the cornerstones of a strong lasting relationship.

Authored by Richard Ford