The Best of Times, the Worst of Times...

Moving in together... It is a big step in any relationship and it is something that can be a dangerous process for your connection.

First, it can involve a decrease in the amount of personal time or space that you have. It is no longer a case of the date ending and you going home to enjoy some personal time to relax and reminisce or indulge whatever hobbies you may have.

Even a relationship which involves sleepovers, even ones lasting a weekend, is not quite the same. Consequently, it is not the sort of thing that can be readily reclaimed or explained to a partner. There is no easy or diplomatic way of saying that you "just need some time to do nothing in particular", or some task so meaningless (at least to others) you could sound petty for making a fuss over needing time to do it.

In a truly balanced relationship this should not be a problem if both partners already realize and respect the need for personal time, that not all activities need to be shared and that moving in together does not mean a loss of personal identity in relationship dating. If there are signs that this is not the case, it must be dealt with early in the process of moving to avoid problems of bringing it up later.

cat in a box

Moving onto physical items... If you are moving in together, there is the curious process of blending your possessions whether one of you is moving into the others place or if you are both leaving places to move into a new place. You may now suddenly have two toasters, two microwaves, two Playstations (which leads to the question of whether to get rid of one or put into storage).

As well as doubling up on some items, there may be some objects that the other partner may be unfamiliar with and can either learn to appreciate and love or simply ignore. But on the flip side of the coin, there may be some items to get rid of. You can choose to make a case for putting them in a box in the back of a closet "in case they come in handy", but you do not want to imply that they are in storage "in case you break up" ...You may find yourself moving back into your own solo lifestyle quicker than you moved out of it!

In a lot of cases it can be healthy to de-clutter to an extent. There are lots of ways to turn the de-cluttering into a positive thing: surplus stuff can be sold on eBay (if it is still worth a bit of cash), or taken to pawn shop. Alternatively, many handy unwanted items can be donated to charity shops which give you the chance to look big hearted and feel good about yourself (which is always a good thing). There is even probably a local organization which you can use to pass on useful items.

In summary, moving in together is a big step with some potential pitfalls which can be anticipated and dealt with maturely. Handled well, it can be the beginning of a glorious new chapter in relationship dating and cannot be recommended highly enough. Handled badly, it can lead to all sorts of tension and disagreement - which can damage (or even destroy) the relationship.

With good communication, diplomacy and a willingness to compromise everything should be smooth sailing.

Authored by Richard Ford