The 8 Pillars of Relationship Communication

Below you will learn about the foundations of relationship communication. Keep in mind that each pillar is equally important for a successful relationship.

1) Communication is more than just a part of relationships; it is the relationship. Interpersonal relations can't be formed, or even maintained, without actively communicating. If communication stops, the relationship eventually will too. Therefore, the importance of communication is undeniable.

2) It is impossible for you to not communicate. Regardless of if you speak out or remain silent - if you are merely around someone else, you are communicating with that person.

Note: it is important to remember that both the intentional and unintentional messages we send out are often not translated correctly (the intended meaning is misunderstood or inaccurate).

3) Meanings are in the people, not the words. How we translate a message or action depends on our experiences along with our view of the circumstances. When you hear the word "cat", you may think of Garfield while your partner thinks about a fierce lion.

relationship communication

With millions of thoughts speeding though our brains, it is impossible for two people always to think the same thing. Just imagine how many differences can arise in meaning when considering terms like "love", "space", "break", or "commit".

4) Communication is permanent. Once an individual receives and processes a message, it is irreversible. If you regret something you said all you can do is apologize and hope for forgiveness. The message can't be erased. Therefore, avoid rushed or emotional communication (whether it is passionate love talk or an intense argument).

Conversing when emotionally aroused/upset often leads to sending messages that we didn't mean or intend on saying. Also, be aware of the related dangers of alcohol/drug usage and relationship communication.

emotions 5) Messages have two levels: content and relational information. Content information is what's literally stated in a message. ("My grade in the class was a B.") Relational information is the underlying cues of a message that indicates what you mean - how we say something.

If one person said "I got a B in the class." with an excited tone and another person said the same phrase in a depressed tone, the difference in opinion about his or her own performance is obvious...

6) Communication is not a natural talent - it is a learned skill. There are no such things as "born communicators." However, even if you communicate every single day of your life, it doesn't mean that you do it effectively. Patterns and methods of communication are learned.

Note: Think of all the people you know with bad relationships. If they don't relearn their approaches and develop positive ways at communicating, their relationships won't likely improve.

7) Communication is a set of tools. What results from their use depends on how you use them. As with all tools, they can be used positively or negatively (a surgeon's scalpel can be used to save a life, or take one); to build or break down (a hammer can help build a house, or tear it down).

swiss knife

Similarly, communication can be used for good or for bad. With this in mind, it's clear why the volume of relationship communication between you and your partner is not as important as how communication is used between you both.

8) When it comes to relationship communication, take quality over quantity. More doesn't always have to mean more. Sometimes more means less. If you over communicate, you may start boring your partner or "beating a dead horse."

The tactful use and quality of your communication is one of the most important factors in towards success of your relationships.