Unhealthy Relationships

How to Know if You Need a Change

The following article concerns over-attachment and unhealthy relationships.

...What's that you say? Don't have asthma?
...Oh.

Well, then it sounds like you're in a relationship with an over-attached partner.

Regardless of your sex and age, this chronic problem can prove terminal for your relationship.

Let's take a quick glance at a few statistics:

6.3 out of 10 males report that they have been in a relationship with an over-attached partner.

5.1 out of 10 males report that they have been in a relationship with an over-attached partner.

Interesting. It appears that this epidemic of unhealthy relationships is running wild - and no one is happy about it.

Attached or Over-attached?

While the fact that you're in a relationship means that there will be at least a certain degree of attachment present - there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy levels to the point where you can't breathe.

First let’s observe several examples of healthy attachment characteristics:

1) Your partner is pleased to be around you and understands that you both need a little space now and then for personal time.
2) Your partner enjoys your company but doesn't get jealous when you are around other people or doing other things.
3) Your partner likes to know what you are up to but doesn't demand constant updates.
4) Your partner still sets special time aside to hang out with his/her own friends.

1) Your partner is pleased to be around you, but if you try to get time to yourself (or even mention the word "space") an argument ensues.
2) Your partner enjoys your company and gets extremely jealous of any other way you spend your time (whether it be family, friends, work or hobbies).
3) Your partner demands to know what your every move is - when you stop telling them is when you start "being shady" or "cheating".
4) Your partner has neglected his/her friends/hobbies and now focuses all their time on you.

What's wrong with over-attached?

So beyond the fact that you're gasping for air, what's wrong with being in over-attached unhealthy relationships?

1) Loss of Freedom: When your partner requires to know and approve your every move, you change from being a participant in the relationship to being a prisoner of it.
2) Loss of Space: Usually, if given enough grief, the "normal" partner begins to relinquish their personal space more readily. This development can lead to feelings of stress, frustration, and resentment - none of which are good for a relationship.
3) Loss of Individuality: When you are with someone (or in contact with them) for most of your time, you both begin to lose the unique little traits that make you - you. A change begins where you both combine into a new, singular entity - which typically is an unhappy one.
4) Leads to more serious problems: While there are numerous paths for over-attachment to take the relationship, the most noteworthy are: well, you know.

Is it too late?

"I'm in an over-attached, bad relationship. Can anything be done about this or is it too late?"

The answer: Sometimes you can fix unhealthy relationships; sometimes you can't.

When nothing can be done about the development, you need to decide for yourself if the relationship is worth the energy and effort.

What if I can do something? What do I do?

You will need to treat the situation with the utmost caution. You already know that your partner can be extremely sensitive and touchy - so handle it accordingly (like you're handling a rattlesnake).

The first thing you will do is sit down with your partner one-on-one when you will both have plenty of time to dedicate to this conversation. Begin by exclaiming how much you care for your partner and how much the relationship means to you.

Good Luck!

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